The Human Anatomy is Simply Amazing
by doodlebutt
Summary: James finds Lily's muggle father's anatomy books.  Funny! At least I hope so.  Review!


**All right. My second oneshot. Sorry for making you all wait, school happened.**

**It's going to be a JPLE fic, just to spice things up a bit.**

**And for my other, first oneshot, An Adequate Punishment, I got so many (well, to me) reviews about how funny it was. Thanks! **

**Oh yeah, my one complaint: Yeah, in the movies Lily is pretty and all, but what about James and Sirius? Like, I know James has glasses, but he looks...not arrogant. And Sirius...he's supposed to be a playboy! The older Sirius is still supposed to have like, an inkling of his dashing good looks. But he just looks like one of the three musketeer. I'm completely fine with Peter Pettigrew, you know rat-like that haunts my nightmares, and Remus is okay. Okay! **

**I tried to organize this story better, but it still might be slightly random and OOC. Please review!**

**I hope you enjoy. -Isabel**

**PS. Nothing against fake blondes. In fact, I'm thinking of bleaching a piece of my black Asian hair. Just against fake blondes with humongous fake boobs that are snobby and think that they are better than anybody else.**

**I'm not against fake boobs either. Even though I totally would not consider them.**

**Maybe.**

**;) * winks ***

**Lily POV, kay? I don't know if I'll switch it up.**

Yes. Finally. Christmas was here, and I could finally see my family on break and get away from that arrogant boy, James Potter.

Yes, THE James Potter. He is so annoying. But he's very handsome. The cutest guy in all of Hogwarts. But don't tell him I said that, because then his ego would inflate even more and pop the ozone layer. Not that most of my friends know what that is. They're all too entranced by James Potter.

He's a very arrogant, smart, annoying, cute, handsome, muscled, quidditch-playing, tall, black haired, brown-eyed, strong-jawed, altogether good-looking and what every girl dreams of...never mind.

He's got common sense too, but I still don't understand why he doesn't like Mindy. Mindy Harter is in Hufflepuff, she has big boobs, and she's blonde. And not exactly the sharpest pin sticking out of the voodoo doll. But that means she's a guy magnet. She is probably the only person's ego that would rival James', except for maybe Sirius. I mean, he's not mean to me or anything...far from it! Like a "kill them with kindness" sort of thing. He opens doors, offers elbows, does the 'ladies first' thing...And I thought chivalry was dead! If it was, then he'd probably go up to heaven and personally escort it down to earth.

Honest.

And if he was transported back in time to the 1800s I bet he'd fit right in,with all the curtseys and the "yes indeedy"s. All the politeness would kill me though. I'm a red head, and I've never met one that's meek with a subdued demeanor. Well, the only redhead I do know is my great aunt Murphyanna, but she's dead. She was struck by lightning while brushing her teeth. I hope that doesn't mean that I'm...

Yeah. I'm nothing special, possibly the only distinguishing feature about me besides my untameable hair is probably my green eyes. They're the greenest. Like one of those jelly beans. Or those appletinis my mother is so fond of. Other than that, I'm pretty normal, and I just developed my curves two summers ago. That's me. Darkish red hair, green eyes, pale. Bookish and nerdy. Awkward. Overly sarcastic. Nobody special. Not a guy magnet. Except for one, but that's more like a permanent sticking charm. Oh yeah, did I mention? James Potter fancies me.

o.O

So everything was going fine and dandy, it was our last day of school and I was eating at the Christmas feast. James always sat near me, wherever I was at the table, and every time I would lift a spoon to my mouth he would ask me out. After many "nos" and "no thank yous" I was fit to be tied.

And ready.

To tie him.

To the Whomping Willow.

With the Silencio charm.

...and popcorn.

"Can you stop your incessant buzzing for even a minute? I'm not interested." With that, I turned away from his hurt and shocked face, to my best friend, Alicia, was jabbering away about something or other (as she usually tended to do regardless whether anyone was listening or not) and I was feeling a bit guilty.

James WAS nice.. and I had just brushed him off like dust off my shoes. I glanced toward him just in time to see Sirius Black, James' best friend who sat next to him everyday, inhale a noodle. I mean, like inhale INHALE...it went up his nose. Peter Pettigrew, another one of Potter's cronies, was giggling. And Remus just had an expression of distaste that mirrored my own. Potter...

James was staring at me with a devastated expression. He must have seen my disgust and thought it was for him. I realized I was still staring at him with a grimace, so I quickly changed it to a reassuring smile. I gave a small flick of my head in Sirius' direction, and he turned his head just in time to see Sirius try to eat the dangling remnant of the noodle that wasn't in his nose.

Oh My.

I felt like I was going to vomit on my shoes right then and there.

But I didn't.

Guess what? This head girl is a tough one. She can handle anything. No worries, that's my motto.

Another noodle suddenly hung out of the other nostril. Sirius guffawed and Lupin stared at his food intensely.

I fainted.


End file.
